Men Reclaiming Self-Esteem
and Taking Action

There’s a lot to being a man today…

It all starts in childhood…

Ever have to defend yourself on the playground?

Remember vying for respect from your peers?

There’s always been that tug to be masculine – to be “one of the guys.”

Maybe that’s why your partner has so much trouble getting you to express yourself in a healthy, emotional way.

You’ve figured it out okay thus far, but…

You’re not as happy as you’d like to be.

We’re more than just the archetypal “man.”

We all have emotions. Desires. Interests… that don’t fit into what we think “being a man,” or especially, a desirable man is.

If we didn’t match up – and let’s be honest, how many of us matched up in all the ways (athletics, looks, confidence, intelligence…) — we were made to feel less than.

Ineffective. Weak. No wonder so many men suffer from low self-esteem. And yes, you’re far from the only one.

It’s hard to take action when we’re pressured to act one way – with charisma, leadership, courage…

When the objects of our efforts aren’t even what we really care about. How many of you were taught to move up the corporate ladder or buy ever more expensive things to prove your worth?

There’s also the fact of the other human emotions we feel. Fear. Disgust. Jealousy. Sorrow.

As a man – but really more so when you were just a boy – you were taught not to feel those things.

That has a lasting impact.

You’re not as happy as you could be.

It’s true. When society – and let’s face it, your family – wanted you to feel differently or be different than who you were, it took away your presence with life.

You’re connection to the living moment. It brought you into your head and created internal conflict.

Happiness comes most consistently when we can let go of the expectations and be us.

Live as we’d like, in accordance with our own values.

The loss of happiness looks like a distraction.

Numbness. The desire for more and more without ever really feeling satisfied.

Can you recall when you achieved something that you thought would make your parents proud, and you felt elated for a few moments… then unhappy again?

Or when we accomplished some “male goal” such as having a great physique or attracting many desirable partners – only to later sit in the emptiness of it?

How about the shame you’ve felt about not measuring up? Not being “good enough?” The guilt of not providing for others as you’re expected to.

If any of this rings a bell, I get it. I’ve been there. And to tell you the truth, there are still some parts of me that I’m learning how to massage, relax, and let go.

It’s okay.

You’ve wanted support before.

In the form of your father. Your coach. A teacher, mentor, or older relative.

You’ve been told to just share what you really thought and be accepted for it. Be helped in untangling the painful knot that it’s created inside you.

And what you were met with instead was perhaps some degree of understanding or support. But more “Do this” or “Do that” than genuine empathy.

It eroded your hope of being accepted in living as you.

So you put your concerns in so many boxes. You hid them away from yourself – in some dark corner of your psyche to be revisited in the future.

Now here you are. Unhappy and wanting change.

Wondering, “How the heck do I heal?”

“Can I get guidance from someone I can trust?”

It’s okay to be you… the full and real you.

It might be buried underneath shame and guilt, but I can see it.

How can I see it?

Well, before some therapy and healing of my own, I felt like how I imagine you feel now.

I sensed (but didn’t know yet) that there was much more inside me. I’m more at peace with who I am by healing and uncovering so much of what was inside all along.

Rather than only being afraid of what’s inside, I’m also excited, curious, interested, enlivened to go internally. It feels rich and rewarding to discover more and more who I really am.

And what I really want from life.

I help men like you do this, too.

Let’s safely excavate the artifacts inside of you! This means keeping the parts you like and letting go of what has been rotting for too long.

In our work together, you’ll learn highly effective communication skills to get what you want; we’ll help you with your routines and mindset; and, most importantly, we’ll show you that you—the REAL YOU—is worthy of acceptance.

Let’s look at an example: You’re feeling stuck and unsure about what to do in life.

I’ll put examples of what you or I might say in italics under each line.

As we begin our work, we’ll get to know each other. I’m curious about who you are and what lies underneath.

So I’ll ask you questions about what you think, what you want, and where you’re feeling stuck.

What do you really want, John?

We’ll converse about what’s “under the hood” – the emotions that are bubbling up: frustration, annoyance, sadness.

You’re feeling frustrated about that, I might say. With attuned and compassionate reflections, I’ll help you make those connections that you might be scared to make alone.

You might share with me, “Oh, my frustration with my co-worker is a lot like how darn frustrated I felt with my dad growing up.”

How you do certain things now is linked to what you observed growing up in your home. What you were taught to do and who you were taught not to be.

Men don’t cry! Don’t be a coward.

I’ll provide empathy to how you felt about being sculpted by your parents – and society – in these stifling ways.

It was unfair to be put in that “box,” John.

You’ll be able to connect with yourself in a way that might invite judgment out there in the world.

But in here, you’ll be safe – and warmly encouraged – to do.

It’s okay, I understand.

It’ll go at your pace. Whatever you’re comfortable bringing in the session, we’ll start there. Slowly (or quickly if you’d like), we’ll work toward the things that have been really bothering you for a long time.

Things that you’ve forgotten about: deep unhappiness from your childhood, loneliness, anger at a parent.

Dinh, that reminds me of when I was six and how lonely I felt when…

Because I know that these deep knots cause you the greatest pain in your everyday life. They make it the most difficult for you to feel good about yourself and take action.

By going to these hidden places inside you and “opening the windows,” we invite the healing power of our adult presence to loosen you up.

How is it to be visiting this memory now?

These methods are effective because I’ve seen them work.

Every day I witness it with my clients.

Rather than the cognitive and behavioral strategies that some therapists use, which only teach you behavioral or coping-level change…

We’ll rout out the source of the pain, like a deep-tissue massage.

Importantly, this isn’t one of those “talk forever and get to understand yourself only” therapies either. We’ll talk and explore – but it won’t be intellectualized.

It’ll be embodied.

You’ll feel the difference.

It’s okay to be who you are!

I know that you recognize – however vaguely – that there’s some inner richness inside you that remains untapped.

Don’t you owe it to yourself to explore what’s inside?

Wouldn’t that be worth an hour a week of your time?

I want to help you. I’m an inclusive, LGBTQ+-affirming therapist.

Let’s get started. Call today for your free consultation: (919) 627-7329.